Transitions are difficult for children. The abstract concept of time may be difficult to grasp. This makes it likely of young children perceiving change of events as a surprise that they need time to feel ready for.
Change of main caretaker is already a transition. This, combined with the Weekends → monday transitions are understandable more difficult.
Even though it takes more time and planning to anticipate these transitions, it may actually save time by preventing major meltdowns and power struggles.
Allowing for extra time is the equivalent to slowing down the car when approaching a speed bump. It slows you down and lessens the bump.
Children have difficulty handling transitions
Young children may have a hard time anticipating the weekend vs the weekday, and gauge their days by which caretaker comes.
Difficult transitions means more acting out that usually means more time
This post is about my observation and thoughts about weekend to weekday transitions, where there are some ideal outcomes, and some not so good outcomes.
The child spent all weekend with the parents and then need to separate, transition to getting used to being with the nanny.
On mondays, after spending two full weekend days with Hudson, I admit that I can’t wait to have the nanny take over.
When mentioning that the nanny is coming today, Hudson usually is excited to see our nanny.
20% of the time he frowns and mentions not wanting Joyce and wants mommy/daddy.
My typical weekday routine builds one hour into an overlap where our nanny comes at 7am, and then I play with Hudson until 8am.
8/23/21
On one particular day, I noticed Hudson pleading for ten more minutes of extra playtime with dad at the 8am mark (typical transition time), and then verbally specifying “I want daddy come play train with me up here”. This combined with his reluctance, initially i became frustrated since I wanted to get to my haircut appointment @ 830am.
I have a soft spot in my heart for feelings of neglect, or I intuitively picked up that Hudson was not ready for the routine transition. Usually ten mins means ten minutes. Or Ten extra minutes means ten and then 2 more minutes.
Then, too bad.
This time, I opted to spend extra time with Hudson, playing together, for about 45 extra minutes- I can easily get a haircut another time.
Ultimately, after Hudson was ready, I was really impressed with the way he ran to the nanny and let me work from home the rest of the day.
This scenario gives me confidence of the concept of if Hudson gets what he needs he will cooperate.
This belief comes in conflict with the other more fear based belief that if you allow this once, the kid will keep pushing for it more next time, and extinguishing the expectation can be challenging.
9/7/21
Another scenario that did not have an ideal outcome was when I spent special one on one time with hudson on a monday, where we had bagels and bike rides to the train station. This time, Hudson was very hard to corral. I ended up having to chase Hudson into the backyard and pick him up (my least favorite method of giving structure).
Hudson ended up crying. Upset. Jumping up and down on our driveway. I was on one knee, waiting for his anger towards me to dissipate a bit (2 mins?).
Then, hudson was ready to be picked up again for a hug, where he then proceeded to sob for a few mins.
I told him how much I enjoyed our outing together. And, that I love him, proceeded to load him in the nanny’s car.
Two different days, two different outcomes
these are two different mondays with two different outcomes. The first one I feel that Hudson played out his feelings during the extra play session.
The session themed around Hudson making me drive a construction vehicle next to him, where we would periodically take a break, park the vehicles on the side, and go grab food or coffee.
Part of me feels that situations like these are unavoidable. And it makes life easier to structure enough time to allow this to happen.
Meaning that Hudson was avoiding being picked up, since that proceeds into him getting into the car, and parting from dad/or backyard fun.
I may consider the approach of talking to him about the incident later, and explain the reason why i make sure to spend time with him is that I have to work. And casually mention i also feel sad and left out when we part.